A Letter to My Younger Self

 

Bismillaah. Assalamu’alaykum, Bela here.

This is my first post in English. I hope it turns out to be a good one.

Twelve years ago, I wrote a letter for my future self. I didn’t remember it anymore until my friends gave it back to me recently.

The 12 years old ago letter

So, Mamah Gajah Ngeblog by ITB Motherhood gives a Monthly Blog Challenge. The theme this month is “Past Me vs Present Me.” I am going to use my letter from twelve years ago as the basis for my Past Me. So let’s start!

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Assalamu’alaykum warahmatullaahi wabarakaatuh.

Hi, 18-year-old Bela! How are you? Are you a better person than I am right now? Are you still in touch with Nihongo Kurabu? How’s Juushi? Are they still together?

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Wa’alaykumsalam warahmatullaahi wabarakaatuh.

Hi, 16-year-old Bela. I’m 28 now. Are you surprised?

I’m good, thank you. I’ve been busy with my little family.

Do you remember the boy you liked from the school next door? He is your husband now! Can you imagine that? Haha.

Now you have two children with him: one daughter and one little son. They are so cute. You might not believe that, because young Bela didn’t like kids very much haha.

I don’t know if I’m a better person than you, but I’m still trying. I want to keep trying to become a better person than I was before.

I don’t visit Nihongo Kurabu anymore since I’m no longer in high school. Juushi is doing well. They still have gatherings once in a while. They just gave me your letter 9 days ago. I almost forgot that I ever wrote it. They are so kind and understanding. I love them.

But Naila passed away last year. I feel sad because she was such a sweet and kind person.

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So you graduated from high school, huh? Have you decided where you are going to study next? Did you manage to get into ITB? You better have done it!

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Yes, I graduated from high school. I managed to get into ITB and graduated in 2020. I studied Bioenergy and Chemurgy Engineering.

But it was a hard time for me to finish my study. Alhamdulillaah, Allah made it easier for me so I could graduate in time. Maybe Allah wanted to teach me humility.

It’s hard to find a job in that field in Indonesia. Maybe I will try writing about related topics and earn some money from that. I hope Allah will make it easy for me.

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Maybe today you are attending your graduation night. But do you remember that two years ago you took a walk with Juushi and skipped an angklung concert once?

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So this letter was supposed to be opened on graduation night, huh? Well, I don’t really remember that.

Right now I’m procrastinating on my laundry because my son is awake and he will cry if I go too far from him.

I am still trying to figure out motherhood and family. It’s a heavy responsibility. I hope Allah will make it easier for me.

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I hope you are doing fine there, and don’t cry too often, okay? Bye~

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Thanks for the reminder, Past Bela. I am still crying a lot, to be honest. I hope Allah makes me stronger to face this life.

Reading your questions reminded me how different life looks now compared to what we imagined back then. Maybe this is how Allah teaches us to grow—slowly, through the life we are living now.

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How about you, Future Bela? Are you doing well?

I hope when you read this someday, you will smile and realize that everything we are struggling today with today was worth it.

We can’t wait to read your reply.

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This post is part of Tantangan Blogging Mamah Gajah Ngeblog bulan Maret with the theme “Aku Dulu vs Aku Sekarang.”